COTEB VI: We Be Sailin' the Wine Dark Seas

Carnival of the Elitist Bastards VI be up at Captain John Pieret's. Be ye ready for an epic tale. A poet he is, aye, and a bard Homer himself would admire.

It Be Time

Today be the last day to bring Captain John yer treasure. Send me yer links, ye Elitist Bastards!

Honorary Elitist Bastard

Cujo359 of Slobber and Spittle nominates Detroit Free Press columnist Mitch Albom as an Honorary Elitist Bastard for his post "Average Joe can't fix America's pipes."

Look. There is a reason we call "the average guy" average. Because he's in the middle. Average. When you aim for the White House, to lead the free world, to hold the fate of the Earth in your hands, you shouldn't aspire to average. And this election shouldn't be about average.

Don't get me wrong. Plumbers, when you need them, are more desirable than presidents. I, personally, would be underwater in my home if not for my plumber.

But in politics, we overdo the small picture because we get bored with the big picture. Our eyes glaze over when candidates talk policy. The devil is in the details, but we're not interested in the devil. We'd rather watch, be entertained, be told a story.

This rather goes along with my belief that the person we elect should be extraordinary. I work with a lot of "average Americans." I troubleshoot the phones of many "average Americans." I spent many years of my life processing the orders of many small business owners. And I can tell you: the idea of choosing a president based on his "average guy" qualities scares me shitless.

We need far more than average when we place the fate of this country in someone's hands.

Average has been fetishized to the point of absurdity. The assault on intellect, the demonization of knowledge, and the worship of the lowest common denominator has gotten frightening.

And that's why we're here, my swarthy crew. We know that aspiring to the mundane does nothing for humanity. Wasting away in the doldrums of the average gets us nowhere. Deliberately refusing to fill our sails with genius and sail toward brilliant achievement just because not everyone can get there is pathetically limiting. We should aspire. We should inspire.

Average is the backbone of any society. But it takes more than a backbone to run a civilization: it takes brains.

Huzzah to Mitch Albom for making that case so succinctly.

Ahoy, Elitist Bastards! Captain John Be Lookin' For Ye

It be time for us to muster up once more:

The Sixth Carnival of Elitist Bastards is due to sail on October 25th from Port Haystack.

I know that there are a lot of bastards out there who'd like to show up the stupidity, ignorance and dishonesty currently masquerading as "small town values," "common sense" and "teaching the controversy."

Here's your opportunity. Get busy on exposing the so-called "thinking" that deserves to be looked down on and extolling what truly is elite: learning, logic and science.

Send your debunkings and other demolitions to elitistbastardscarnival@gmail.com no later than October 24th (though, in kindness to a certain Ancient Mariner, early entries are preferred). And, if you see some internet article or posting particularly fitting to sail on our voyage, please pass a long the link, as our press gang is always on the lookout for hands to ... er ... volunteer.

Don't ye be lettin' Captain John down, or ye'll soon be regretting it. There be an ocean o' ignorance out there, me hearties. It be our duty to rescue the treasure o' wisdom from their dens o' inanity.

Eggheads, UNITE!