Carnival of the Elitist Bastards XIV: ARRRGGGG!

COTEB XIV be up at Captain John's place, and now I be understandin' why so many o' ye missed the boat. 'Tis better if ye drink yer grog in pints, not barrels, me hearties.

Still an' all, we ended up with a robust (if groaning) crew, and Captain John's birthday sailing proved a rousing success.

Special thanks this voyage to George at Decrepit Old Fool, Steve at Science-Based Medicine, Barbara at ICBS Everywhere, Z from It's the Thought that Counts, Heather from Steingruebl World Enterprises, and Cujo359 from Slobber and Spittle. Ye did yer ship proud, sailors!

I hope those o' ye we press-ganged be flattered. Ye wouldn't have wanted to miss the party, now, would ye?

Let's have a rousing cheer for Captain John, who helmed the ship on his birthday, and ensured smooth sailing - always important for those wi' a bit o' a hangover!

HUZZAH!

I Am A Disappointed Admiral - and Somewhere, a Pirate Lawyer is Crying

Look what you've done to poor Captain John:


Yes, you. You know how many Elitist Bastards answered this months' call?

4.

People. Not only is there an infinity of stupidity needing bashing out there, you've all let John down on his birthday.

I'm so disappointed I can't even talk pirate right now. And Captain John - well, here's a reconstruction of his current state:


This situation must be rectified. If you merely forgot to submit, get your submission in to elitistbastardscarnival@gmail.com immediately. If you didn't think you had anything worth submitting, find something anyway - you're Elitist Bastards, your every word drips with immeasurable intellect. If you're new and have no idea what's going on, here are the requirements:

1. Pick one (or more) of your blog posts that blasts ignorance or celebrates some aspect of wisdom, or if you're really ambitious, does both.

2. Send us the link.

Is that hard? Not at all. Do you have any excuse not to submit a post? None.

I want the COTEB inbox full to the bursting. You have until Sunday morning to wriggle back into John's and my good graces. Otherwise, you will have to live with the fact that you've made John sad on his birthday.

Yer Captain's Got a Motivational Speech for Ye

I'll take it as a personal affront if there is not a plethora of material. You don't want a lawyer with delusions of being a pirate to be pissed at you.

Besides, it's my birthday and, if it isn't a good Carnival, I might cry. If there's anything that you don't want to see more than a pissed lawyer with delusions of being a pirate, its a lawyer with delusions of being a pirate crying.

He be right about that, me hearties. I think ye'd better get yer Elitist Bastardly links in to elitistbastardscarnival@gmail.com as soon as possible. If ye're any later than Friday night, a fate worse than drowning in an ocean o' stupidity may befall us.

We Be Deploying Soon!

Captain John Pieret be looking for a few good Elitist Bastards for this month's voyage of the HMS Elitist Bastard. I know it be short notice, but I also know that most o' ye haven't been on vacation, so ye've got plenty o' Elitist Bastardry lying about yer blogs. Get those links in to mailto:%20elitistbastardscarnival@gmail.com by end o' day this Friday, the 26th o' June. Let's ensure Captain John sails wi' a full ship.

Carnival of the Elitist Bastards XIII: Ports o' Call

COTEB XIII be up at En Tequila Es Verdad, me hearties. Yo, ho!

Last Day to Bring Me Yer Treasures

Well, I be gettin' ahead o' meself, since I haven't got much o' yer booty yet. Be gettin' those links in to elitistbastardscarnival@gmail.com by the end o' the day Friday. I plan to have this ship's hold full o' Elitist Bastardry. Don't make me sail over to yer blog and raid ye, now!

For those o' ye wondering what ye should submit, here be the simple requirements:

1. Pick a blog post o' yours that hits the stupid where it hurts.

2. Send it in.

That be it. And I don't want to hear yer excuses - I been readin' yer blogs, and I know each and every one o' ye's already posted some fine elitist bastardry.

I'll see ye all aboard come Saturday, or I'll be boarding ye come Saturday, whichever's required.

Our Captain's Down, but We Sail Yet!

Most o' ye know our Captain George had a wee mishap. He be on the mend, but the doctors have yet to pronounce him fit for duty. That means yer Admiral's taking the helm this voyage. We'll have to be quick about it - I be headin' to Arizona this weekend, and that be no place to sail a ship from!

Get yer Elitist Bastard links to me at elitistbastardscarnival@gmail.com by end o' day Friday. I know it be short notice, but I also know ye've got plenty o' elitist bastardry already posted this month, so ye've nothing to worry about.

See ye on board, me hearties!

Carnival of the Elitist Bastards XII: In Hot Pursuit of the Faux Nouvelle

Dear, oh dear. I see I forgot to cross-post last month's launch announcement. Time to remedy that:


Captain Cujo's launched us on a rousing adventure on the high seas for COTEB XII, me hearties. It be one o' the most exciting sailings we've had yet. Pour yerselves some grog and raise yer glasses in a rousing HUZZAH!

And an equally rousing mea culpa from yer Admiral, Cujo. Ye get extra rum rations next sailing!

Last Day in Port

Out o' the taverns and onto the ship wi' ye! Submit yer posts for the Carnival of the Elitist Bastards by the end o' tonight, or we be sailin' without ye. And none o' us want that, now, do we?

Get Yer Treasure in the Chest

We be setting sail from Slobber and Spittle next weekend - submissions are due no later than the end of day Friday, and ye know ye don't want to be left behind. I've seen only one o' ye step aboard - surely there's more elitist bastards out there. Send Captain Cujo yer links!

I've noticed a dramatic decline in new recruits of late. This won't do. Allow me to repeat meself: For any o' ye who've never sailed, but think ye might be Elitist Bastard enough to sign on, now's yer chance! Let's review the requirements:

1. Write a blog post that blasts ignorance or celebrates some aspect o' wisdom, or if ye be really ambitious, does both.

2. Post yer post.

3. Send us the link no later than the deadline, or ye be dead in the water.

Simplicity itself, innit? Which means no o' ye should be left sittin' on the docks when we sail.